What a WEEKEND!

We ended up having a VERY full weekend, which is making it a little hard to find my 'get up and go' pants this morning!

Friday night we had our AWESOME friends, The Fernstrum's, offer to keep our kiddos for us so that we could go out for dinner. This was SUCH a blessing! Our kiddos were excited to go over and play with theirs, I was excited to get time to spend talking with Rob and eating out kid-free. The big bummer came when Rob told me he wanted to eat at China Buffet in Sioux Center. Yes, I know. I thought it was my birthday week still too and that I should have had a say...but, nope ;)

So I agreed, despite the fact that I have not liked that buffet at all the times I have been there. Hence the bummer....GREAT conversation, WONDERFUL company....DISGUSTING food! I don't know, I am being a little dramatic (I can, this is my blog ;) but I just don't like their food. I came to the conclusion later after talking with Rachel (who doesn't like it either :) that next time Rob wants Chinese buffet he can go with the boys and I will save my turn for a trip to mexican or the hatchery :)

Saturday was also a full day! We spent the morning doing some sorting and making some trips to Bibles for Missions. However, the excitement came when our friends from California, Randy and Carol Halma...our parents during the time we lived out there...came to join us for lunch!

Randy and Carol with the rest of their family at their daughter, Erin's wedding. We flew out for this wedding this past August!

They were eager to hit up the Pizza Ranch while they were in town and we are usually always game for a good buffet :) It was SOOOO great to catch up with them! They are actually my college roommate, Tracey's parents--and she and her husband, Bryan are currently expecting twins!
Tracey and I snuck into the dorms when she was here to visit a while back and snapped a picture by our old room :)
So we had lots to talk about and catch up on. Our girls did great and we stayed at the Pizza Ranch talking well past the time that the buffet closed. They did get to come back to the house and chat longer too ;) We are so grateful that they took the time to drive down and spend the afternoon with us! They are definitely one of the reasons we miss SoCal!!!

After the Halma's left, I quickly laid down for a nap. Toby was sleeping and Addy needed to sleep. I will jump at the opportunity to "help" Addy get comfy and rest a while :)

We then spent the evening with the Weber's (who live just down the block from us). They had called and invited us over for a turkey dinner. They too have family that is out of town and they just felt like they don't get the chance to enjoy making a turkey over the holidays and getting to enjoy the leftovers. We got the better end of this deal, in case you weren't picking up on that ;) We had a great evening with them and enjoyed a few GREAT rounds of the Disney version of Headbandz! (GREAT game for your young kiddos btw!)

Thanks guys for hosting us! We had a GREAT time!

Oh wait! There is still a day of the weekend left...another day that was filled with fellowship :)

On Sunday, we went to church and then immediately head out of town to my parents house in Lennox, SD. We had a GREAT opportunity to meet up with some of their friends, Torrey and Heather Babb.

Torrey and Heather are the hearts behind The Mission Ball.

I encourage you to read more at the provided link...Here is their definition of what the ball is...

The Mission Ball is simply a soccer ball covered with Biblical text. It includes the 10 Commandments, God’s simple plan of Salvation, and selected Scripture. The Mission Ball is made of quality materials and is durable enough for normal soccer play. The Mission Ball is hand stitched for better quality and a longer life. The text is silk screened onto the leather and will not easily rub off during play on rough surfaces.

The ball is AWESOME for mission trips--The Mission Ball is currently available in 21 different languages (let me know if you or your church is headed out on a trip and I can hook you up with some!), VBS, Sports Camps, Operation Christmas Child, Gifts, Fundraisers, or just playing soccer in the backyard!

I really enjoyed our conversation with the Babb's. We didn't even talk about the Mission Ball much but moreso they were able to share with us about their other endeavors. The Babb's are leaving on Wed on a one-way ticket to Haiti. They don't know exactly how long they are going to be there or even certain of living arrangements once they get there but they are CERTAIN that God is calling them to return. They served down in Haiti the majority of last summer with Mission Haiti, filling in for long-term missionaries Corey and Lynn Grimm (who was actually the youth pastor before Rob here at Trinity! HA!) and Heather working on a large jewelry project down there with the Haitian women. It was fun to share their excitement, hear their stories and moreover tangibly see their hearts to serve and follow the Lord!

So wonderful to meet them! If you are interested in supporting the Mission Ball you would be supporting GREAT ppl! And if not...REMEMBER the Babb's in your PRAYERS in the weeks and months to come!

Sign that I am not sleeping well...

Arghhh....that is how I initially felt when I woke up this am :( I seem to sleep the hardest from whenever Toby is awake around 4/5, until like 15 minutes before the girls should be heading out to school. Yeah, I know! This is not a good routine to be into...every day I throw any idea of getting up to walk, pray, or read out the window!

But, this is the routine we have seemed to taken on. It has been recently complicated, however, by the fact that Toby has neither been sleeping well or feeling well. He is up a lot at night, he won't suck on his binki (making him harder to comfort and console), and he DOES NOT want to sleep anywhere but right next to me. Precious, yes (for about 5 minutes), but this mommy needs some sleep!

I know that I haven't been sleeping well in the midst of all of this b/c I am having SO many vivid dreams...most which as of lately have not been pleasant :(

Here are a few of the dreams I have had in the past couple nights...

I was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor and given 4 months to live
Rob was divorcing me--"I'm done" was the explanation for that one
I lost a child in the Mall of America
I sent my girls to school on picture day with their hair a mess

Can you understand why I wake up hard?!?!?! So tired and trying to grasp the reality that awaits me that day...not the world I am coming out of that seems so vivid and real!

Trying to find my rhythm...

I love reading other ppl's blogs! There are so many AMAZING authors out there of wonderful blogs and of such variety!

This is a link to an AMAZINGLY, REFRESHING, and HONEST post that I just read today from the "Momastery" blog...a great post on the challenging job of parenting and a refreshing outlook on time--chronos time vs. kairos time ;) MUST READ!

I originally started to blog for the sole purpose of keeping family and friends up to date on our lives, when we don't get to see them daily or just get busy. Now, as I continue to read more and more blogs...I find myself wanting to process, to spew, to just be real with the "community" of ppl "listening" in on my life.

But I find that so difficult...not the being real part, I have never really had a hard time sharing life with ppl. But the part that would be how much do I say. Some things belong in a journal that is kept for me and my heart, and others are fair game...does that make sense? So how am I able to share my heart and our lives without crossing that line of giving out "too much information"?

I am seeking to find that rhythm...

I think when you are in ministry, you unfortunately take the road of keeping so many things to yourselves. You don't want ppl to see you struggle b/c you are leading their kids...you want to put your best foot forward as often as you can b/c you are an example...

But I want to walk with ppl on the journey! I want to share my struggles and covet the prayers of those around me...I want to share my heart and be encouraged by other warriors of the cause.

So I am seeking to find that balance, all the while trying to read other blogs...blogs that encourage my heart and grow my faith...blogs that make me laugh on the hard days and give me that place to just cry and let down.

I want to be that...I want to use this space to allow God to SPEAK through our lives. I want it to just REEK of the glory that we daily try to give to Him (like my yummy Scentsy warmer--mmmm, how the smell can so quickly fill up our home). The LORD is at work in our lives--He ALWAYS is...but HE is moving in ways that we couldn't fathom or imagine and I look forward to sharing that and processing that in the days and weeks to come!

But in the meantime, I seek to find my blogger rhythm ;)

Am I always behind?

I have so many thoughts that go through my head everyday, I often think if I could get an "app" to record them all for me and put them into a blog I would be the world's best blogger :)

But I am not, and then I come to moments like this where I don't even know where to start to try to catch up...on the blog, my scrapbooks, my housework, my Christmas cards, calling close friends, cleaning out closets, Christmas shopping, packing....the list could go on and on.

But as I was pondering these thoughts this morning I found that there is one place that I will always SEEK to be behind. I ALWAYS want to be behind Jesus!

I want to STAND for HIM and have his back in all I do and say!
“Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven." Matthew 10:31-33

I want to FOLLOW HIM where ever He would lead me and TRUST in HIS plan for my life!
"that his line will continue forever and his throne endure before me like the sun;" Psalm 89:35-37; "This is the one about whom it is written: “‘I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way before you.’" Matthew 11:9-11

I want to find myself at HIS feet, coming at HIM from behind just to touch the hem of HIS robe and to JUST BE in HIS presence! "When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”
Mark 5:26-28

I want to TRUST HIM for my PROVISION...that HE will meet all my NEEDS and I will recognize what they are! "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Psalm 23:4-6

I want to be AWARE of my need for a SAVIOR and ever willing and quick to be REPENTANT!
For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Psalm 51:2-4

Oh, My GOD! Allow me to walk behind you, to allow you to go before me and prepare the way! I seek to bring glory to your name. And as we live in this ADVENT season, may that GLORY and GRATITUDE overflow...you gave your son, your child for ME, Lord...for ME!

To Be Loved...

Yesterday was a rough day for me...

I think I am struggling with the thought of "Do I have a slight case of the 'Baby Blues' in the sense that my hormones are still out of whack? and just too trudging through the journey I am on with Christ and the challenges that we face along the daily path to choose what is holy and just in the way that we live.

But mainly it is rooted in the fact that I want to be loved. Loved for who I am...

Who am I seeking to be loved by? I think I am tying it to relationships that I have here on Earth...relationships that I want to be successful in...I DO NOT like letting ppl down, I want to be a good friend, a well-rounded momma, a submissive wife, an employee who meets all expectations.

We all want things like that right? and it is good to set those types of goals--good directions that we strive towards. The problem for me comes when I feel like I fail, when I don't feel accepted, when I disappoint...I honestly think a small part of me feels like b/c I did not measure up--the love in the relationship decreases...crazy I know!

Psalm 62 says...

¹ Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.

Does my soul truly find rest in God and God alone? I think it does...or it is on the journey to fully rest there. In looking online the other day I discovered, "The Father's Love Letter" It is a letter completely compiled of chunks of scripture that speak of God's great love and desire for us. Here is a short exert...

I gave up everything I loved
that I might gain your love.
Romans 8:31-32

And I rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17

I will never stop doing good to you.
Jeremiah 32:40

For you are my treasured possession.
Exodus 19:5

I desire to establish you
with all my heart and all my soul.
Jeremiah 32:41

And I want to show you great and marvelous things.
Jeremiah 33:3

If you seek me with all your heart,
you will find me.
Deuteronomy 4:29

God loves me! all the time...day in and day out. Whether I rise above or I fail...God loves me! I don't struggle with the thought of believing that I am loved, but when it comes to wrapping my head around the fact that it is UNCONDITIONAL...wow! that is where the challenge lies ;) I also received this blog post in an email this morning and the following portion totally stuck out to me and hit me...(from the blog Chatting at the Sky)

"I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it is I am fascinated by about a bride on her wedding day. And I think I’ve finally got it. It’s because there is something magical about the way of a woman who knows she is loved.

She is captivating. Compelling. Inspiring. On that day, she and her love have gathered up all those in their world and they say to one another, I choose you. With all of your crazy mess, with all of your fears and worries, with all of your radiant beauty, I choose you — when you are sick and when you are well, when you are rich and when you are poor. I choose you, and only death will come between us. And even then, you’ll be my love.

People who know they are loved are moved to be lovers. People who are unloved cannot move at all.

Until we know we are loved and accepted, we will continue to hide, to stay safe, to hold our cards close to our chest, to keep our real selves hidden from the world. It’s why that boy sent you a note in 5th grade that said “If you like me, check yes or no.” Check yes, and I’m safe to move. Check no and I may be hurt but at least I’ve not risked much. If we don’t know we are loved then it is unsafe to love in return.

The ones who love best are the ones who are able to receive and embrace their own belovedness. We cannot give what we have not first received. I dare you to believe that you are seen by a God who says to you, I choose you. With all of your crazy mess, with all of your fears and worries, with all of your radiant beauty, I choose you — when you are sick and when you are well, when you are rich and when you are poor. I choose you, and not even death will come between us."

Lord, give me the strength and confidence that I am loved by THE Great, High King. May I rest in the unwavering, embrace of your love and receive the grace and forgiveness that you grant us as your children. May I TRUST in your ability to heal my heart with your love when indeed it breaks. I love you, Lord.

Nothing Comfortable About it...(October 1, 2011)

This morning I had the opportunity to spend some quiet time with God...yes, you heard me right I did say quiet ;) I made the drive over to Lennox this am to help out my parents with a gun auction (a entirely different experience that would take a whole other blog post ;) On my way this question came to my mind, and I proceeded to text it to my family members to stir their thought processes as well...

"If you woke up this morning and heard the voice of God telling you to go to Ninevah, would you go? And how long would it take you to LEAVE the life you have and OBEY the call to follow?"

I am guessing this makes more sense in my head than in does for most of you. God has been leading me in prayer times and in conversations with Rob in what the future may or may not have in store for us. As I have been spending time thinking about these things my thoughts have really focused on the story of Jonah. I think this is a familiar story for many of us--if it is not though here is the quick recap...

God tells Jonah to go to Ninevah, Jonah whines about it and asks why Ninevah--ultimately refusing to go, God has Jonah swallowed by a whale, Jonah realizes he made big mistake, whale spits Jonah out, Jonah goes to Ninevah, God gets his way again ;)

Reviewing this story, pondering the sermons we have been having, and examining my own walk I began to think on the word "go". I cannot tell you how often I read some type of tag line on some type of Christian material that says we are all called to "go". This is also often closely follow by the line that reassures the quickened heart, "But don't worry! Not everyone is called to physically go."

Why? Why must we add this in right away? And why are we all not called to go? It is like there is this quick reassurance that follows the call to go--a reassurance that keeps us comfortable and doesn't allow us a chance to get anxious or feel the adrenaline that comes with the unknown. In thinking on this today, I really came to the conclusion that there is nothing comfortable about the word "go".