Explains so much...

Last night's bed convo...

Daddy--"What was the best part of your day Karys?"
KJ--"Not having to go to school.  I think I would rather just go off to college."

This explains a lot.  Our little miss independent thinker-who still needs so much guidance-but just wants to grow up so fast!

Made me smile :)

Take My Hand

I love the way people, people near and dear to my heart and those I hardly know, have been SO encouraging along this journey so far!  My sister sent me a text a little bit ago and told me to listen to this song :)  Tears were inevitable...spoke right to my heart!  I am game for the pilgrimage, I will follow you, Lord 100%...but I need you to take my hand and I need to know we are in this together!

Here is the link to listen to the song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3G_Z7_D3Pc0

Here are the lyrics:

I heard You say it, I know You did
You called me out into the waves and wind
And for a moment I was brave and strong
But now everything is going wrong

Didn’t You know that I’d be scared 
Couldn’t You see I was unprepared
I’m not asking for reasons You hold or the safety of land
I just need You to take my hand

I could have stayed back where I was before
And never met You in this raging storm
You’re telling me that faith is all I need
But fear is all that I can find in me

Didn’t You know that I’d be scared 
Couldn’t You see I was unprepared
I’m not asking for reasons You hold or the safety of land
I just need You to take my hand


Cuz I would be ok if You’d take my hand
I wouldn’t be afraid if You’d take my hand
All would fade away if You’d take my hand
If You’d take my hand….

Didn’t You know that I’d be scared 
Couldn’t You see I was unprepared
I’m not asking for reasons You hold or the safety of land
I just need You to take...
Won’t You please come and take…
I just need You to take my hand

For Sale...

I love these pictures...yet, it is bittersweet to look at them.  There are certain parts of them that I feel speak so many places of my heart right now.  First of all, Gracie in the second picture.  Foot up on the sign, hand on her hip--I just feels like this "examination" of the sign in our yard...the moment, just to let the reality of what it means stuck down into the earth of our property, is completely necessary.  Our house is for sale.  The house we have raised our kiddos in thus far, the only house they remember being in.  Once it sells we are moving forward down the pathway God has laid out for us.  That brings me to the next group of faces.  Look at my girls faces in that first picture!  They are so happy, and so excited!  Forward movement!  We have been in this waiting period so to see that type of movement so close on the horizon is definitely AMAZING and EXCITING!  My heart is beginning to long more for Haiti...just to be down on the ground there and allow God to lead and guide and shape what our lives are going to look like there!  But a small part of me reflects Toby's face--Boo!  I am kind of upset as to what this move will mean...we LOVE our neighbors!  ALL of them!  Gary and Linda are precious, precious ppl.  My girls love to say hi to them, they wrote them notes last week and left them in the mailbox, they jump on the trampoline and holler their names.  Linda has blessed me time and time again!  Watching the girls when I was pregnant with Addy, having them over to help her water flowers and play babies, taking me to the hospital when Rob was off to school...WOW!  They are just such great ppl!  The Hummel's and Calsbeek's...we love them and our kids love their kids!  We are all going to feel the absence of these families...just not feeling ready for that some days.

But, nonetheless, our house is for sale.  It is the cleanest it has probably ever been; however, I am banking on that hour warning that I hopefully will get before we have to have it ready to be shown, just to be sure I have enough time to do the run through and clean it up.  do you know how hard it is to keep a house clean with 4 kiddos (and Rob and I for that matter!).  We are excited to pass it on to another family who we know will be blessed to live in it.  The walls hold many memories and as Gracie told me the other night as we arrived home to find the sign in our yard, "Mom, we aren't quite done with it yet, right?"

"No, baby we are not."  There are many more memories, dance parties, screams of joy, and tears that are left to be had within those walls. 

But our home is where our hearts are found and there is a shift happening in our hearts.  Lord, protect our hearts and prepare them for that time.  I see it on the horizon :)

Obedience

This is a devotional that my dear department chair shared with me this morning. I couldn't help but share it. Such a good follow up, and speaks my heart so well in light of last nights blog post :)

Meditation:

[Jesus:] “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

—John 13:34-35 (NIV)

Quotation:

Only the obedient believe. If we are to believe, we must obey a concrete command. Without this preliminary step of obedience, our faith will only be pious humbug, and lead us to the grace which is not costly. Everything depends on the first step. It has a unique quality of its own. The first step of obedience makes Peter leave his nets, and later get out of the ship; it calls upon the young man to leave his riches. Only this new existence, created through obedience, can make faith possible.... Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), The Cost of Discipleship, Simon and Schuster, 1959, p. 64 (see the book)

Quiet time reflection:

Lead me, Lord, to step into obedience.

You're not the only one...

After spending a wonderful weekend in Colorado and enjoying time and conversation with family I discovered something...

It seems to me that many people who we have encountered along our pilgrimage in this life are struggling with the fact that we are moving to Haiti. WE are moving to Haiti--Rob, Erin, GracieLou, Karys Joy, Addy Grace and Toby-bias are all moving to Haiti. It is not clean there, there is disease, it is hotter than blazes most of the year, you can't flush your toilet paper...and WE are ALL going.

I just felt the need to blog to some of those people who are struggling...YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are not the only one who is doubting, worrying, questioning our sanity. You are not the only one...

But at the same time, I need you to know...you can tell me about it. I will not judge you, I will not turn the other cheek, I will value your pilgrimage and the place you are at. I desire--WE desire the opportunity to talk openly, we want to share the call God is given us....because despite my love for you, despite the value I have on our relationship, despite the need I once would have had for people's approval...I am OK with your struggle, I am OK with your wrestling, I am OK with your uncertainty. I can't change it and I can't make them go away. But I have to trust that not only is God working in my life and calling my heart to something more, something that is ordained by him and a part of his plan...so could he be challenging you through us and our decisions, so could he be calling you out of the place that you are to be something more and do something GREATER for HIS name. To live a life that reeks of Jesus!

Know my heart...I am not attempting to be self-righteous here...I am praying against that as we speak...but I am taking to opportunity to define the reason for what many of you deem as "crazy" "irrational" or just plain "stupid". I have a confidence and a trust in God that surpasses and exceeds any human logic or rational. I BELIEVE that He has our best--I prayed for it and we have talked specifically to this. But I know without a doubt that God's plan is BIGGER than just my family moving to Haiti--(I must admit, most days that alone seems like a pretty big deal!) God desires to do a work in all of our lives. He desires for us to be instruments of His peace and servants of the harvest.

As I mentioned earlier, there would have been a day that I would have been paralyzed and immobilized by others lack of approval for me and my decisions. But it is not the case with this in any way shape or form...that is divine folks...purely divine...

So please...know you are not alone...and know I WANT to talk to you about that...and know I am already praying for you to come visit us to SEE GOD AT WORK! :)

I want to be that person

As I was walking into work this am, I once again had to laugh at myself and my random thought process...(there is the disclaimer :)

So as I was driving through the back alley to work, the funeral cars were parked in front of the church that we share the alley with--they were in the process of unloading the casket and I am sure getting the church ready for a funeral. In the process of watching this, and just thinking through the sadness that people were going to be feeling today as they said their final goodbyes to their loved one, my thoughts went to JOY! I know, I know...

I just really started to all of a sudden think about how really smiley ppl sometimes annoy me. I am not positive why...I think it is b/c sometimes I just have to wonder if you can really be that happy all the time. Can your life really be so peachy that you just have to have that smile on your face all the time!

Yet, I found myself wanting to be that person. Not necessarily someone who smiles all the time...but, more so that person who is just JOYFUL all the time. The JOY that I don't have to talk about, the JOY that I don't necessarily have to parade around or announce to others, but the JOY that just permeates my life...that spills forth from who I am in Christ...that resounds like a bong from the work and presence that Jesus has brought to my journey. I want to be that smiley annoying person that overflows 24/7 with JOY!

And what does that look like in this season? I am SOOO thrilled to be on the journey we are on. I find JOY in knowing that God is leading us and guiding us on this journey. I want to find JOY in the sadness that I am starting to find awaits the end of our journey here. Saying goodbyes, selling a house, leaving friends and family....It is sad. We have talked with the girls quite a bit about the fact that it is ok to be sad. But in that may I find JOY--joy in the time we have had here, the time we have left, joy in the fact that Jesus loves me and I am his...

What they know for sure...

I am overwhelmed by your words of support as we embark on this journey. We all really are excited. We are as open with the girls as we can be, all the while knowing that they have no idea how much their worlds will change; however, their childlike faith and optimism are blessings of affirmation to our souls day in and day out!

They know we are going to be living at Children of the Promise with LOTS of babies and they couldn't be more thrilled! The have asked if they can feed babies and carry them--they even asked if I would sew them baby carriers! I don't really sew but YES! YES, I will :)

They know that there won't be all of the foods in Haiti that we have here and we can't just run to the grocery store to get what we want or need. "I will have to be brave to eat well in Haiti, Mom." (Gracie) Yes, Dear...you will...

They know we are leaving Orange City...and all of our friends :( They won't go to the same school, we won't live in the same house, we won't walk to the park or to the grocery store...and that it is OK to be sad about that...I am...

They know that we won't be able to just jump in the car and drive to Grandma and Grandpa's...But that we will be able to talk to them and "see" them often on the computer!

There are so many things they don't know...

It is hot--they know it is hot in Haiti--but not that it is REALLY HOT, most of the time!

There aren't friend playmates or birthday parties like they go to now...there aren't sleepovers...

We can't come home for every holiday or celebrate ever birthday with family and friends...

They can't flush the toilet paper--this won't affect KJ, she never flushes anyway ;)

They might get sick more than normal :(

They don't know what poverty is--like the kind you can see, taste, and smell...

I am sure this list goes on...

I am trying to be a realist...to prepare myself for as much as I can so I can be there for them and love them through the transition...But I BELIEVE they will love me through it too!

We were driving in the car on the way home from a birthday party for one of KJ's friends...I just have to share our conversation with you.

"Mom, do you think we should adopt from Haiti?" (I know this is a common assumption most ppl have right now :)

"I don't know, Karys. What do you think?"

"I think we DEFINITELY should. Like one little girl for sure and maybe a boy or two..."

"Oh, really. When do you think we should do this?"

"Well, right away when we get there. Let's just get our family established and be done with it."

("wow")..."Well, Daddy and I have talked about it quite a bit and we think that for now God is calling us to Haiti and giving us the 'ok' to go ahead and get settled with our family. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have someone out there for our family. Just not right now. Moving to Haiti is going to be hard, KJ."

"I know...but, mom...Jesus is in Haiti too. And He is the one telling us to move there. He is going to be with us...he will never leave us, mom. Mom, it's gonna be ok..."

At this point, the song 'Blessings' by Laura was on the radio...'Mommy' was choking up and fighting tears...

"You are so right, KJ....SO RIGHT! We still aren't going to adopt right away, God will clearly show us if He has that for us, He has been VERY clear so far :)

Wanna sit in the car and just listen to this song with me?

"Yeah, mom...I love this song..."

{HEART FULL!}